Saw “Guzaarish” today. And felt a deep wrenching in my heart. Left the theatre disturbed. Felt deeply stirred and somehow i had to find my center again.
Had to spill out these words…to set myself free again. Selfish, heartless me…Concerned with only one thing. How do I feel at ease again? But i guess am just another human with little longing to feel at ease again.
Its written in hindi…so english readers please pardon or ask your friends who know hindi to translate it for you. Am in no state to do that atleast right now…
This poem is dedicated to Ethan Mascarenhas and what he must have felt at different times especially closer to his death…the lead character of the film.
……….
Kambakth Zindagi
Kabhi bewakqt, bin bataaye dil main chhura ghonpati
Toh kabhi thandi pawan se man ko sehalaati
Kabhi dard ke saaye me duboti,
Khudki karaah, khud hi ko sunane main majboor karati.
Toh kabhi khushiyon ki bearish main geela karati.
Jannat ki sair, sare aam din main karaati.
Jitna bhi chaahu tujhe jaanana,
Utnahi mujhe uljhaati.
Kambakth Zindagi.
Kabhi apane raaz kholati,
To kabhi sawaalon ke ghere main gira deti,
Kabhi maut koh achaanak le aati
Toh kabhi maut ke liye tarsaati.
Jitna bhi chaahu tujhe jaanana,
Utnahi mujhe uljhaati.
Kambakth Zindagi
Jab bhi khadaa hota hoon aramaan dil main jagaakar
Toh kabhi giraati,
Toh kabhi sapanon ko sach banakar hawaaon se baate karaati
Kabhi todti, marodati, maarati berahami se
Toh kabhi aansu chalakaati pyaar ke ummad se.
Saali zindagi.
Tu kiski kabhi hui nahin hain abtak
Pata nahin kabhi kisike hone ki tamanna bhi hain ke nahin tere dil main
Jitna bhi chaahu tujhe jaanana,
Utnahi mujhe uljhaati.
Kambakth Zindagi
Tu hogi bahoot khubsurat,
Aur laakho peer honge teri meher ke aashna,
Lekin ab maut ko maashuq banaane ki tamanna rakhta hoon
Uske meethe kaale saaye main chup chaap sona chaahta hoon.
Agar hain himmat to bachaa le, apne wajood ko mere Jism se.
Aur baandh kar rakh mujhe apane daaman se.
Dekhata hoon aaj kaun jitata hain
Na-maalum tu, ya lachaar main.
Kabakth zindagi,
Agar kabhi sadak par milogi jannat ke,
Toh pehele to chura ghopunga tere dil main.
Hath pair tod ke bitha dunga ek kursi par.
Aur phir bataaunga ke jeena kaise hota hain.
Jab khelati ho tum humse.
Jitana mere paas aaogi,
Toh dekhkar meri tadap khauff khaaogi.
Main laachaar aur adh-murdaa zaroor hoon
Lekin fir bhi aaj tujh par maat karane ke mansube rakhta hoon
Naa jaane kitannon ne tumse maut ki guzaarish ki hogi.
Aur kitane lachharon par tu hansi hogi.
Saali kambakth zindagi
Sirf ekhi tamanna rakhana.
Kabhi galti se bhi mujhse mulakaat na karna.
Chal hat,
Kambakth Zindagi.
Kabhibhi, kabhibhi mujhe paane ki khwaish na rakhana.
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