At last, my beloved cat Chi Chi is back after spending a long time outside in the world. Actually, i found her by some sheer co-incidence. My maid was looking for her, after i fired her for being irresposible. One day, last week she was told by someone in a near by building that there is a cat which is hidden on the top floor of the building and is rufusing to come out. Hearing that my maid called Manisha (my friend in pune). Manisha called me to check whether its chi chi and if at all not chi chi still to rescue the cat. So drove back to the buidling manisha mentioned over the phone and to my surprise, i had a feeling even before i reached the building that she must be Chi Chi only.
And as i reached the top floor the mind was fighting with my heart. Heart was saying its Chi Chi and the mind was saying how is it possible you fool? As i walked up the last staircase, i heard the “Meow” And in that moment i could feel my heart triumphantly laughing at my mind and saying “See, i was telling you, the heart can never never go wrong. You just need to trust the heart.” And my mind was saying “Well! Its just a fluke and today you win just because the game of chance is in your favor. But dont be too confident, beware”.
Witnessing the dialogue inside, when i saw Chi Chi slowly coming out the broken window, my heart just leaped with joy, my cheeks were feeling warm tears roling down and i was thanking god once again for bringing Chi Chi back in my life. As i got her back home, she was very frieghtened so she had her nails tearing my hands. But it didnt matter. What mattered was that she is fine. And suddenly i was in touch with why once my mother hit me so hard when i was lost on a crowded street. I still used to wonder why did she hit me after she found me, i used to think even till this moment that she should have been happy that she found her lost child. But today i could understand why?
Well! Chi Chi came back and my other cats Jinjoo and Manyu were overjoyed to see her. It was like a family reunion. They licked each other and me as well. I was feeling like a proud father getting the missing daughter back home.
And since that day my heart began to over ride my mind and at all instance would shut him up saying that heart is always right and mind is always wrong. My mind was wounded and was just waiting for an opportunity to get back. And i must say it got back very cruelly.
But there was a lesson hidden for me in their fight. The lone observer who many a times felf powerless while watching the battle of mind and heart.
It so happened that after few weeks Jinjoo went missing. However, Jinjoo had done that quite a lot of times so my Heart started ” Dont worry. He is just around and the way Chi Chi was found, he also would be back.” As couple of weeks passed, i slowly began to worry. I went looking for him but couldn’t find him. The heart was saying again and again ” Dont worry he will come back on his own.” And i kept on listening to triumphant heart. I wish i didnt. Then one day i was back from a program, i was away from pune. And manisha called again. This time she was crying profusedly. She said ” Raj, i think we lost jinjoo. I think he is dead. Someone called from your society that one brown fat cat is lying dead near the trees behind the society”. The moment she said brown, fat cat; my heart sank. I litterally went numb. I sat on the ground speechless didnt know how to react. It was very sudden for me. My heart was saying ” No, it cant be. Jinjoo can’t die. He will return”. Before i hung up the phone i told manisha mechanically not to worry and we will check the body once am back in Pune. Next day i finished my training program and headed back to Pune. I picked up manisha and we went to search for Jinjoo.
The watchman told us that the body was thrown in the gutter behind the society and my heart cried. How could such a lovely beautiful soul could die such a death? It was my mistake. My mind was saying “See, i was telling you, you should have searched for him. But no, you were lured by your heart and now see the result”. I snapped at mind for being so insensitive and cried.
Next day we found the body and burried Jinjoo near the same place where my other cat was burried few years ago. As i was burrying him i had a feeling that he was consoling me and saying ” Raj, please do not cry. Its not your mistake.” And i was further pained with the thought that he still cares for me even after death.
I dont know what i feel now. But certainly both my mind and heart finally got that i was in pain and the only thing to do is to give me space to heal from that pain.
I hope the healing happens fast. I dont know how much more time but am sure it will heal.